is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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