She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
