I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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