OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Rumble strips road head = magical
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
