I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
