I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
