well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
