then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
