I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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