Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize