i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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