Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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