it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
