Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
