as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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