the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
