I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
