i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
