ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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