Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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