i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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