I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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