Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
