i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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