the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize