This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
