I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
