the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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