It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
