Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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