Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
