he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
