If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
