Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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