also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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