I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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