I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
