I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
