her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
