Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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