the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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