ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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