talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
