He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
