Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
