I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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