I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
