He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
