so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
