thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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