I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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