I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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