dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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