i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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