I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
