My Higher Power is John Stamos
Say something about gay babies.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
