I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
