when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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