you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
